


ilomilo.

by eoghainy



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, flangst, i love them and there's no content i'm sad, relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:33:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27238885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eoghainy/pseuds/eoghainy
Summary: so show me the way home -i can't lose another life.
Relationships: Lilith/Roland (Borderlands)
Kudos: 2





	1. i couldn't love someone,

**Author's Note:**

> i know i am SO guilty of not updating any of my other fics, but listen. that adhd brain be so fuckin bad sometimes. obviously, the title + description is taken from billie eilish's ilomilo, which i was listening to the whole time i whipped this thing out. same for probably all of the chapter titles. i can't help myself lmao.
> 
> i wanted to put some content for these two out because their relationship was so short lived. it never got to breathe on screen. we, as the player, never got to see it flourish. and i'm mad about that, but w/e. i will always feel a little cheated, but W/E. 
> 
> anyway. please, enjoy!  
> unbeta'd, by the way. please lemme know if there are any mistakes!

“Do you ever think about our old apartment in New Haven?”

The question is utterly left field. Unexpected. A wild stab in the dark from someone who didn’t reflect upon the past because in his words, the past was the past. Lilith quirks a brow at Roland, truthfully caught off guard by the sincere, strange honesty of it. Her, Roland, and the past didn’t mix. At all. They were a chemical bomb that was due to explode; situations often got melancholic, and both were quite ashamed to admit they ended up in compromising positions that left both with a sense of shame.

Their love hadn’t lessened at all through the years of their separation. It had only become more poignant; a shuddering ember that longed to be revived, that _begged_ for it.

“I dunno, I try not to give it much thought.” Lilith keeps her answer as neutral as possible. She had been known to have quite the vivid dreams of that apartment – with its dusty kitchenette and squashed living room dining room mix. The amount of times Roland would burn eggs on that shotty stove, or she’d accidentally singe the couch from excitement never left her mind. For the first time in her life, a home had felt like a home; and it only was because Roland was there. Even after he left, taking his few belongings with him, his presence never faded. It haunted the space, even when no life form occupied it.

“Oh, I guess that’s fair.” Roland’s gaze was fixated on the barrel of his rifle as he cleaned it. “It has been blown to smithereens, so. No reason to think of it anymore.” His token awkwardness was starting to emerge, and the chasm between them widened. They dangled on the edge, nearly about to tumble into territory they couldn’t come back from.

“It’s not like that –“ Lilith protested, her voice rising in pitch. It would have been embarrassing, had she not accepted that Roland had long since seen her at her worst. “I haven’t been able to think of it because of _Jack_. Our plans have been taking up a lot of real estate in my mind, and reflecting? Ro, it _depresses_ me. I have to stay focused. For us. For Pandora.” The burning need within her to reassure him was overwhelming. Yearning left her voice thick.

“I know. I shouldn’t have asked. It isn’t fair to you.” He still hadn’t looked at her. “Sometimes I think about it and wonder how we got _here_. Not with Jack, but you and I. Us. I just. It feels like we didn’t get here organically.” The tips of his ears were becoming flushed. Lilith knew that the amount of pride he had to have set aside to even approach the idea of this conversation must have been massive; no considerations of a sarcastic retort crossed her mind. There was only tenderness, only adoration.

Slowly, as if not to spook a startled animal, Lilith crossed the room to stand by his side. His nervous warmth was radiating to her, snaking underneath her skin like ice. She had felt the licking tongues of consuming flames before, and this was not it. This just – it was the furthest thing from it.

“We didn’t get here organically,” she stated softly. The tenor of her voice changed; it was quieter now, less foolhardy and aggressive. “You couldn’t forgive what happened with Jack, and how far it went. The resentment ate you up from the inside out until it poisoned everything it touched, including me.” The cloth in Roland’s hand passed over the sights. His fingers were shaking. All she wanted to do was reach out and take his hand. “We couldn’t figure out how to live with it, and so you left me. For our own sakes. It saved my life.”

Roland visibly swallowed. Lilith watched his Adam’s apple bob as he hesitated, chewing over his words before he dared spit them out. She had a feeling that whatever her answer would have been, it still would have left him in this state. Melancholic, resentful, lonely – heartbroken. There truly was no undoing what had happened between them before all this; there was no forgetting the venom that burned away all that had once lived between them.

He didn’t have an answer for her, that much was clear. Roland communicated through actions, through passion; and he did that now by simply kissing her. It was shallow, a press of lips really, but it was biting. Something drifted beneath the surface, becoming all encompassing; consuming their kiss until it reflected exactly what neither knew how to express. Even the Firehawk could be burned by what lay dormant between them.

Lilith couldn’t help herself. Logic begged her to peel Roland off of her, to remind him that often, they lost their heads in the midst of their passion, but longing consumed her impulse. His shoulders were broad beneath her hands as she touched him, as his fingers dug into the torn fabric of his shirt. They were familiar, a firm reminder that no longer was he hers. Once, when things were simpler and before their enemy was a man that hid beneath his many masks, she could trace every mark, every line, every edge from her keen memory. She herself had been responsible for many a mark being left upon his dark skin, marks that no longer were there, faded with time. Temporary.

Much like their love had been.

She pulled away first, her mouth stinging with bitterness. Roland tasted just as she remembered; every bit of him was exactly the same. Judging by the wonder in his eyes, it appeared that she had been the one to change. She was the one who could no longer be recognized by something as simple as a kiss.

“I’m sorry,” Roland cleared his throat. He was trapped between her and the lip of the table; there was no way for him to escape. “I –”

“Shut _up_ ,” Lilith whispered, and the distance between them closed once more. Had she allowed Roland to speak, had she let him talk his way out of whatever was happening between them, it could have been their last chance to share something meaningful. Their relationship might have gone to a place that no human hand could touch, but the love between them still sizzled; still gleaned and cried for attention even in the darkest of moments.

Roland always was thinking, always had something to say – he always used logic in every situation, utterly reliant upon his rational mind. Lilith was the opposite; she was irrational, oft too excitable, and wildly out of control. Perhaps it was a fitting personality for the mantle of Firehawk, but it was why she and Roland often clashed. Her stubbornness warred with his intelligence. But this was one moment that neither of them got in the way of one another.

The emotions flowing between them were needy and desperate, and it was as if no time had passed between them. Roland still knew exactly where to put his hands so that they sat comfortably upon her hips, thumbs stroking her bare waist, and Lilith had already gotten to work on knocking off his beret and combing her fingers through his tight curls. They had gotten long over the months now that she wasn’t taking charge of his haircuts, but she _liked_ the length that his hair had now. It certainly wasn’t much, but the pull of his strands between her digits was too good of a sensation to pass up.

Her lopsided collar stood no chance to Roland’s impatience. A saint outside of the bedroom, Roland often portrayed infinite patience. He had nothing but kindness for Brick and Morty’s antics, as well as Lilith’s foolhardiness. Here, though, behind closed doors? It was a different story.

His lips traced words against her collarbone, words she couldn’t make out in the haze he created in her mind. Scruff created a gentle friction between them. Her knee was pushed between his, able to feel him pressed down against her, and her elbows found a perch upon his shoulders as her fingers carded through those wiry curls. She felt the shiver pass down his spine, felt the tensing of his muscles – his teeth bit into her, a delicious reminder of the lines that Lilith oft allowed to become blurred. Pleasure, pain, where did it all end when you experienced life at a different caliber than most? Boundaries that once seemed so clear began to fade over time, until she struggled to see even a remanent of what they once were.

“Hey, guys?” There was a gentle throat clearing. Lilith instinctively knew the voice belonging to the other Siren, and her attention gravitated. “Not to interrupt your – well, _work_ , but we’ve got news.”

Maya radiated brilliance. Her vibrancy and lust for life was often overwhelming; her presence often left Lilith feeling wanting and feeling more alone than ever. Kinship was hard to come by, even harder if you were a Siren, and she had barely gotten a chance to revel in the sensations of being amongst her own kind before Steele was killed. The tugging in her chest had begun in those few moments actually within her presence, and they had disappeared just as fast once the Destroyer took her life. Such feelings had been lost until Maya and the others entered her proclaimed _lair_ and she had discovered a likeness to them.

Roland’s face didn’t move from her chest. Lilith could feel the heat of his skin against hers. “That’s fine. Would you give us a minute? Then you can bring everyone up.”

Her eyes were electric, not missing a single detail. “Okay,” Maya relented gracefully, and left them in silence. She wasn’t a hoverer, and nor was she a talker. Perks of growing up a monk.

“That was embarrassing.” Roland’s voice was flat, muffled. “I can’t believe we let ourselves get caught like a pair of horny teenagers.”

Lilith stifled a laugh. That was the last thing he needed right now. “I can. Here,” she tugged his beret back into place as he adjusted her jacket. “She’s not going to gossip. I think there’s a monk rule against that. I’d be more worried if Gaige walked in on us – she might never let us live it down.”

The distance Roland wore so well was back. His flush was already fading, and he was pulling away from her, forcing physical distance. His back was turned to her. “We’ll talk about this later, after we’ve gotten an attack plan in place. That’s the most important thing right now.”

Despite his mistrust for Angel, Roland seemed to have no reservations about going after her. About getting past this door that only Handsome Jack could open. Worry sat heavy within her gut at the thought of what could lay in waiting for them come the morning, when they would gear up to get that damned key.

“I’ll hold you to it.” Lilith’s hand graced his arm, a gentle press against his shirt, a brief reassuring touch as she went to the stairs to call up Maya and the rest.


	2. 'cause i might break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoooo, maybe i should take the time to read this over tomorrow after i've had some sleep, but nope! i'm going to post it and potentially regret it later.
> 
> anyway. unbeta'd. awkward semi-smut too? idk man. i'm so tired. pls lmk if you enjoyed. 
> 
> i also decided that this is going to turn into a bl3 fix it fic. oops?
> 
> also 2.0  
> FUCK lilith's clothes. smdh. took me twenty minutes to decide how to describe her dumb outfit lmfao.

Roland’s battle plans were intricate and detailed, but still simple enough that it left room for surprises and potential failure. He detailed everything, but Lilith didn’t listen. It wasn’t that she didn’t want things to go perfectly, but she was more of a spur of the moment kind of girl. You could plan everything out down to the last detail, but it still wouldn’t prevent things from going hilariously wrong. They had all learned that the hard way on Pandora. Things just – they just always seemed to go so horribly askew here. It had to be in the atmosphere or something.

Good things were just not meant to happen here.

“Mordecai will be staying here, of course.” Roland gestures to their forlorn friend, who is skulking in the corner with a bottle of something clutched loosely between his palms. His eyes are closed, but he’s listening. “He’s going go to be giving Sanctuary the best protection that it could receive.”

Lilith had to hold back a snort. Mordecai had been on the destruction path lately, what with the loss of Bloodwing and all. It wasn’t that Lilith didn’t sympathize; it was just that now wasn’t the time to be falling apart. Jack was closing in. But even Mordecai wouldn’t throw anything for them. When Roland barked an order, Mordecai fell into line. He always did.

“– and Lilith, too.” Roland had been talking while her thoughts revolved around their suffering friend. She had missed what preluded her name, but judging by the surprised expression on Maya’s face, Lilith had missed something controversial.

“What?” She asked, a hard edge entering her voice.

Roland met her gaze. Dead on. “You’ll also be staying here.”

“No.” Lilith barely let him get the words out of his mouth. “I won’t. Sanctuary doesn’t need me, _you_ do. We don’t know what kind of plans Jack has to protect Angel, or what he –”

“ _Exactly_.” Now it was Roland’s turn to cut her off. “We _don’t_ know what to expect. If Jack still didn’t know you were alive, then fine. I wouldn’t have any objections. Jack hates you –”

“He hates you too –”

“ _Not_ as much as he hates you!” Roland lost control of his temper for a moment. Anger reared its ugly head as he visibly forced himself to calm. “Not as much as he hates you. I’m sorry, but it’s too dangerous. We can’t risk you. If he gets his hands on you, or worse, _kills_ you, then it’s game over. The best, and the safest, thing you can do is _stay here_.” His eyes were empty, purposely devoid of any telling emotion. Lilith cursed his ability to remain professional. “Even Angel agreed that you would be safer here.”

Lilith scoffed. “We’re going to start taking suggestions from our resident traitor now?” Impatience leaked through her tone, but even she knew she was defeated. “You’re a son of a bitch.”

“I know.” Roland’s voice was almost affectionate. “Back on topic. Salvador, I want you up with Brick and the slabs. You too, Zer0. Axton, you’re going to hang back with me until we get to the door that only Jack can open. Maya, Gaige, Krieg – you three are going to be covering the ground. Axton and I will tail you to Control Core until we’re certain that it’s clear, and that Axton isn’t going to be injured or killed. We can’t risk blowing this.”

Axton simply nods, because since he had taken on the burden of having Jack’s voice, he had committed to a vow of silence. Lilith would prefer if it was a vow that Axton would take for the rest of time, but sometimes you just couldn’t be that lucky. This would be enough for now.

As Roland started to break down what they could possibly be expecting from Jack, Lilith shared a look with Mordecai, who looked as exhausted as she felt. With a sympathetic half smile, Lilith takes her leave from the room since fuck it, she wasn’t going to be taking part anyway, why stick around? She doesn’t wander far, though, just down the stairs. It isn’t long before someone chases after her, albeit, it isn’t the person she expects.  
  
“So, why does Handsome hate your guts?” Gaige asks callously as she plops down on the stair next to Lilith, her head tilted to the right. “Sorry, couldn’t help but overhear that spicy argument between you and Ro. I just gotta know the sweet deets.” Her pigtails are loose today. Most strands of her hair frame her youthful face, and Lilith feels the matronly urge to push them away.

“It’s a long story, killer.” Lilith tried to dissuade her, but Gaige’s expression was persistent. When Gaige got it into her head that she wanted something, there was no way to change her mind. “Okay, it’s a bit of a long story, so I’m going to condense it for you. It’ll be easier for me, anyhow.”

Gaige just looks at her expectantly. She was an entitled little shit, but that didn’t mean that Lilith loved her any less. It would get her, and Deathtrap, far in life. Hopefully. That kind of attitude tended to be the only way to survive on Pandora sometimes.

“So, I know this seems hard to believe, but I met Handsome Jack _before_ he was all crazy ‘let’s-kill-the-vault-hunters’. I met him on Elpis, which is the moon –”

“I know what the moon is named, duh.” Gaige cut in, complete with a roll of her eyes. Lilith held back the urge to throttle her.

“Okay, since you’re a know it all, can you tell me who Hyperion’s CEO was before Jack took over?” Lilith quirked a brow. “No? Then shut up. I’m speaking.”

Gaige responded with a childish pout, but otherwise shut up. Which was the important part.

“Jack needed our help to take Helios, his station, back from Dahl. Roland and I were on vacation on Elpis, so y’know, we didn’t have any interest in helping Jack. But then we got talking about rewards, large sums of money . . . then vacation turned into work, and _boy_ , was it work. Jack wasn’t, like, an asshole or anything. Sure, he was full of himself and witty, and utterly devoted to Helios, but he wasn’t like how he is now. I lied, he was still a bit of an asshole, but not as bad. He didn’t hate everyone and everything for no reason – he had morals. He was just like any other corporate dude, just with more personality.

“We spent most of our time colluding with Moxxi – Jack trusted her, and while he was dealing with his Vault Hunters, we made plans with her. She was wary about trusting Jack, and warned us of the risks, but Roland and I were interested in a nice reward. Plus, fuck it! What else were we going to do on our ‘vacation’? Sitting still doesn’t suit us. We helped Jack take back control of Helios, and then . . . things went sour. Real sour. We’re used to shit blowing up in our faces, but this? This was bad.

“After we helped Jack take back Helios, we discovered the existence of a laser that he had possession of. Wipe that confused look off your face, Gaige. This wasn’t just _any_ laser – this was a gigantic laser made from the eye of the Destroyer. The Destroyer? The huge vault monster we only _just_ killed after Steele set it free? Ugh, Gaige, do you ever _listen_ when we tell you our stories?” Okay. She got off track, and Gaige was starting to look bored, so Lilith cleared her throat and carried on.

“ _Anyway_ , this was a Very Bad Thing. With capital letters. Jack had found apparently managed to salvage the Destroyer’s eye after we had supposedly killed it, and he took that eye, repaired it, and amped up its powers by ten thousand. It was now capable of destroying whole planets at his behest, and it almost had with Elpis. Scary thoughts. Also, scary thoughts: at the time, we had _no clue_ as to why he had it. Or how. Only we knew of the vault, so how did Jack get to it? Hm? Can give us an answer there?

“Again, _anyway_ , this left Roland and I deeply unsettled. While we didn’t necessarily find Jack _dangerous_ , we also didn’t want to leave such a powerful weapon in his hands. Not when he already showed extreme ambition, and not when he already expressed his dedication to rising above his station. It made us nervous. So, to Moxxi we ran, telling her everything that we knew. She told us to watch. We did. And we watched as Jack grew paranoid, suspicious – it poisoned him. He became suspicious of three of his employees, and after getting their affirmation that they were loyal, he ejected them through an airlock. He killed three people because of this suspicion, and that’s – . . . that’s when Roland and I knew we had to do something.

“With Moxxi backing us, we came up with a plan to take Jack out of the equation. Moxxi’s plan was simple; two birds, one stone. We destroyed the Eye of Helios, and in doing so, blew up a part of Helios. We thought Jack would be killed, but instead was just injured. But that betrayal – that betrayal coming from all _three_ of us – was enough. He snapped.

“We knew that we had lost our one chance, so we decided to watch. I tailed Jack and his Vault Hunters into the Elpis vault, and after they killed the guardian, I entered. I was too late to stop Jack from activating the key and discovering its secrets, but I punished him for it. I phased into the vault, and I took that key, and I punched _through_ it. It may have happened to uh, also punch his face, but . . . you know. Things happen. The key burned him, horribly; I heard he even lost his eye because of it. It’s why he wears the mask.

“Not only did I take his favorite toy, but I took from him the secrets of the vault, _and_ I marred his looks. He can’t call himself handsome now if he has a debilitating scar and a missing eye, can he? It’s why he hates me so much more than he hates Roland.” Lilith stated matter-of-factly. “Don’t tell anyone, but I don’t think Jack has ever gotten over it. Denial, y’know, is pretty powerful.”

Gaige was just staring at her, green eyes as wide as saucers. “Lilith, you are _badass_!” She squealed, her voice growing to a painfully high pitch. “Oh, _my god_ , how is everyone _not_ always talking about this? You took on Jack and almost killed him and –”

“Okay, Gaige, relax.” Lilith motioned for the girl to take a frickin’ chill pill. “Calm down, killer. It’s a big deal, but the fact of the matter is I _didn’t_ kill Jack, I only pissed him off. I prodded the bull. Perhaps if we had succeeded at kicking his ass the first time and killed him on Helios, we could have prevented this.” She shook her head. “No use worrying about it now. What’s done is done.”

The younger girls’ lips were pulled down into a pout. “But what you did was _awesome_.”

A small smile crept across Lilith’s face. “Hell _yeah_ it was.”

* * *

Roland’s apartment was dark when she arrived. He didn’t answer the door when she knocked, so she just let herself in, very aware of the fact that he could shoot her if he perceived her as a threat. Not that she couldn’t handle it; a few bullets never hurt anyone.

“Ro?” Lilith called, trying her best to see his silhouette through the darkness as she toed off her boots. “I’m here. You okay?”

“Just got a headache.” His voice was coming from the corner of the room, and it sounded strained.

Carefully, Lilith picked her way across the room and toed off her shoes next to the bed before climbing on. Roland was laying on top of the covers with an arm draped over his face. His jaw looked relaxed, most likely not clenched for the first time that whole day. As he felt her weight join him on the bed, he lifted his head up, and Lilith was quick in stealing a kiss from him. His lips were dry, and the kiss was quite chaste, but it was sweet nonetheless.

“Anything I can do to help?” Lilith asked playfully but didn’t pursue her line of questioning. Instead, as Roland’s warm arm snaked around her shoulders, she gave into temptation and laid against his chest. Rising with him as he breathed was the most soothing thing. Against her will, her eyes began to flutter close, and before she knew it, she was drifting off with him. They dozed together for a few hours, until Roland’s internal clock drove him to stir.

“You can go back to sleep if you want,” Roland’s breath was warm against her ear. It stirred the loose strands of her hair, effectively tickling her neck. “I’m just going to shower.”

“Care if I join you?” Lilith murmured sleepily.

Roland chuckled. “If you can wake up enough, sure. I’ll be back soon enough.”

She didn’t notice the passing of time during his absence, not like she noticed the warmth quickly fading from Roland’s side of the bed. As the pipes screamed whilst Roland showered, Lilith began to wake. And as she woke, her mind turned uneasily.

All of this? It was a trap. They weren’t talking. Instead, they let familiarity be the death of them. It was _easy_ to walk in here and fold herself into his arms. It was _easy_ to steal kiss after kiss and let emotions lead. It was _easy_ to pretend they were back in New Haven and acting as if they were newlyweds, and like they had the rest of their lives stretched out before them. It was harder to put all the pieces on the table and figure out how they fit together to form that bigger picture.

Roland said they would talk. He all but promised that they would address their current situation, so that they could once more explore a possibility of _them_ , but Lilith had the feeling that it wasn’t going to happen. Not for lack of trying, mind you. It was just that they both tended to lean for the easier ways out, to seek that familiarity rather than face the cold, hard truth that lurked around the next corner. It would spring upon them eventually, but it would not be tonight.

“You’re awake.” Roland was standing in the doorway to the bathroom, wearing nothing but his briefs and a towel around his neck.

“Your screaming pipes prevented me from falling asleep. You should really get that checked out.” She sat up, careful to keep direct eye contact with him.

Roland’s half grin as he moved to flip on the lights didn’t escape her attention. The room flooded with light, and Lilith was finally privy to see what kind of conditions he was living in. The whole apartment, literally, was this room. The kitchen and the bedroom were just smushed together, with his bed being in one corner and his appliances being separated from the rest of the room by a tiny bar. _Tiny_ bar. The bathroom, thankfully, was in its own room, but Lilith had her doubts about the size.

“It’s not the best apartment, I know. Sanctuary has poor pickings, so I just took whatever. Better to leave the better homes for the displaced families.” Roland was scratching at his damp curls as he watched her take it in. “I only use this space to sleep and shower, anyway.”

“I wasn’t holding it to any standard. It’s fine; the perfect size for you. I honestly wasn’t expecting it to be so . . .”

“Micro?”

“Yeah. When you said ‘small’, I thought you meant your bedroom was cramped and you had one of those living room/dining room/kitchen situations, not _one room_.” Lilith rolled onto her stomach and propped herself up with her elbows.

“What did you think when you came in here?” Roland puffed in amusement. He was fighting the urge to smile.

“That you had two beds? It wasn’t so unreasonable to me. Maybe you got a second one so that you could be gentlemanly, and we didn’t have to share one.” Lilith’s expression didn’t drift from her playful smugness. “You should put on some clothes, by the way. It’s supposed to be getting colder at night.”

Roland’s eyes darkened. “What I was thinking of didn’t exactly involve clothes.”

Lilith opened her mouth to say something, paused, closed her mouth, opened it again – and then simply opted for silence. Roland’s straightforwardness often took her by surprise; there was no preamble, no sugarcoating. Only what he was thinking, spoken exactly how he thought it.

“If that was too forward –”

“Shut up, I was processing.” Lilith shook her head as she sat up. Who cared about talking at that point? The situation was already so far out of her control. She was weak when it came to Roland – give her any chance to be close to him, emotionally and physically, and she’d seize it without another thought. But they needed to talk at some point tonight. Talking and sex did not go well together, they needed to stay focused and logical, not get wound up on heady emotion. But, God, _fuck it._ Things could be clearer after a night together, right? That’s what Lilith was telling herself as she spoke before her brain could stop her. “Why don’t you come over here and _show_ me what you were thinking of?”

Roland flushed. It was so easy to get him flustered; all she had to do was say something slightly provocative, or make a certain expression, and he was gone. The blood would rush to his high cheeks, and blissfully, Lilith would have new ammo to torment him with.

He closed the distance between himself and the bed with a few short strides of his long legs. For a moment, he stood over her and they simply just looked at one another, both already at a loss for words and breath. Roland’s calloused hands shook slightly as he cradled her jaw, fingers fanned against her cheeks, and then he was kissing her. Not the chaste, probing kisses from before; it was a _kiss_ , complete with all the warmth, pressure, and closeness she had been hoping for, for so long.

The slow kisses didn’t last long, for Lilith had no patience, and even Roland was showing a needier edge tonight. Carelessly, she knocked the towel from around his neck and replaced it with her arms, intending on putting pressure on his nape to encourage him to join her on the bed. It seems she had no need for encouragement, because Roland’s knees were already framing her hips, and his weight was slowly being lowered onto her. A shiver trickled its way down her spine as he guided her flat onto the lumpy mattress – which Lilith didn’t have the heart to complain about. Lumpy mattress be damned.

Roland’s lips travelled from hers to trace along her jaw, before they found their way to her neck. She wasn’t expecting it when his tongue traced along the blue markings, and she let out an audible gasp, fingers curling into his skin. He was smirking against her neck before continuing on with his goal; the silkiness of his tongue traced against the swirling, interconnecting marks on her chest, and as he dipped between her breasts, Lilith lost what little patience she had managed to hold onto.

With Roland’s help, she managed to wriggle out of her top, which Roland subsequently tossed onto the floor. Her focus was on unbuttoning her pants when she realized no longer did she have a helper. Quirking a brow at him, she frowned. “What?”

“When did you start wearing a bra?” Roland was looking right at her breasts. “It’s . . . nice.”

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Maybe I like having support when I’m running around,” she replied defensively. It was a simple pushup – a dingy white with no padding, clearly past its prime. “It’s just a bra. Don’t act like you’ve never seen one before.”

That same half smile pulled at his lips again. Without giving her a response, he helped inch her torn jeans carefully off of her legs. “You know what they say about women who match their braziers and underwear.” His fingers hovered at her hips.

“That they’re sexy, intelligent, and stunningly beautiful?” Lilith wiggled her hips, too impatient to lay still. Despite the implications of matching undergarments, she _hadn’t_ been explicitly looking for sex. It was just a coincidence. _Right_.

“Stop being so impatient, Lil.” Roland’s voice dropped to a husky tone as he rid her of her underwear. “You’ve got to learn to slow down and enjoy things for once.” His calloused hands eased her thighs apart, and Lilith – utterly curious about his ministrations – allowed him to do as he pleased. “So, relax, Lil. Let this be good for you.”

* * *

Roland spent most of the night between her thighs, and Lilith had the scruff marks to prove it. When she woke, she was sore, and the irritated skin on and between her thighs itched something fierce. Last night was . . . for lack of a better word, _fantastic_. Roland brought her over the edge three times with his tongue, and then another time with penetration. The tongue thing was new, _definitely_ new. He had never left her unsatisfied, but this was way more than she had expected. And when she was utterly exhausted and shaking, he’d held her until she calmed, fingers tracing those blue tattoos that had gotten her into so much trouble.

As she thought about it now, it had felt like a goodbye. Like a last hurrah of someone who was running out of time. An uneasy feeling settled in her stomach as she thought about the impending mission, of Roland going to Control Core.

Opening her eyes, Lilith felt along the bed for Roland. When she didn’t feel him beside her, she sat up and drew the comforter around her body, and relaxed when she saw him pulling on his pants. She hadn’t wanted him to leave without talking to her first; she couldn’t let him go without telling him she loved him.

“I was hoping you’d sleep through the morning, it’s barely daybreak.” His voice was hushed. In the dawn light, Lilith could see that he was wearing her favorite of his sweaters; the olive green one, with rivets sewn every half inch. It was quite ugly, honestly, and the only reason why she liked it was because it outlined his muscles impeccably. She couldn’t help her sleepy grin when she realized he was wearing it. This felt so _domestic_.

“Too late for that.” She murmured, matching his low tone. “You’re already getting ready to head out?”

“Yeah. Axton and I are taking the long way – we need to get started as soon as possible.” Carefully, he sat on the edge of the bed. He looked no worse for wear; he certainly didn’t appear to be as wrecked as she felt.

“Roland, I have a bad feeling about this.” She shuffled over to his side. “I really don’t think Angel can be trusted.”

“We have no choice now. This is where the game has landed us.” His sigh was weary. “I promised you we’d talk, and I fully intend on doing that when we return. “ Roland turned to face her now, and his expression was utterly sincere. “You and I, we’ll figure it out. Together.”

This was her moment. If there was any time to say it, she should say it now. Tell him she loved him. Do it! It would be so easy to slip it in their conversation . . . “Come back to me, soldier.” Was what she said instead, and Roland smiled. That easy half smile that only tugged up half of his mouth.

Affectionately, his thumb graced against her jaw, and then he was gone. Off the bed and out the apartment door, leaving Lilith with a growing sense of worry. Something was about to go wrong.


End file.
